Mental illness doesn’t care who you are - by Dean

These days, I own and run a gym because I love being a part of a community and helping people — but six years ago, I was in a very different place.

I’ve always loved helping people. That’s what policing is all about at its core. But over 18 years, that sense of purpose slowly got stripped away. I became frustrated with the system, the internal politics, the red tape. I became numb to things that used to shock me. I started chasing the adrenaline and stopped caring about myself. 

Then about six years ago, something happened that completely changed the trajectory of my life. Everything I’d been holding in — the anger, frustration, emotion came out like a volcano. When you carry the weight of the world on your shoulders, it’s only a matter of time before it erupts and I hit ground zero.

I needed to change. But like many Kiwis, I brushed it off with the old “she’ll be right” attitude. The Police said they would look after me and my family, but my wife Sacha and children were left to pick up the pieces. I removed what was not important in my life and started again.

What I found was the gym. I could push myself to a sense of failure and cold water because all I could think about for those couple of minutes is nothing else other than how bloody cold it is. This worked for me and it's a routine I still do every day now.

Then came purpose, I needed purpose again and I set up a gym because I wanted a safe space for people to train, to stop the chatter in their heads even if it's for 30 mins and to meet like minded good people. I think we are achieving this.

I'm a pretty private person but mental health means a lot to me. I generally only speak to my psychologist or small groups of people about this kind of stuff. What I know now is we all hold onto unnecessary worry and stress. This world is becoming very chaotic, slow down and make time for yourself and your loved ones. Material things don't matter at the end of the day.